This past week has been rough, I'm not going to lie. I've had literally every emotion I could have, all within hours of each other.
It started out hopeful; I had just finished two weeks of interview after interview with job recruiters, potential companies, and contacts people have given me over the last few weeks. I was feeling good, like I really know what I'm doing and it's going to happen any day now. But as each day of the week ended and I was still unemployed, I started to get more and more empty. Not depressed, not upset, just empty. I'm the kind of person that needs to be busy-- just look at my college career: 12 hour days in the sewing lab, multiple positions in Greek life taking up my nights, and at some points throughout college I had 3 or 4 jobs. I had gotten so good at being busy over the past 4 years, I didn't know what to do with all this free time that unemployment brings.
Sure, I have the Gap, which keeps me busy at nights. But spending all day job hunting, going to work, and then going to bed can be a pretty grueling routine. I'm not dumb--I knew it would take me a while to find a job and get established. But I didn't take into account how I would feel while I job hunted. And that's something most people my age go through, but no one ever really talks about that. In college, if I ever had a day off from everything, I had The Group to hang out with, or TV shows to catch up on. I've watched all the TV shows. The Group isn't in New York. Here, I'm just stuck. Which is a weird thing to feel being in the most wonderful and exciting city in the world.
I've learned that when I'm missing my friends or feeling unproductive not having a job, I need to step back and think of something positive. Talking to my grandpa really helped this week. Even though he has Alzheimer's, he's the funniest man I know. I ask him if he remembers where I am and he still thinks I'm in Carbondale (at least he remembers my college), and when I tell him I'm in New York he always says he hopes I don't get lost (he doesn't know the technology of GPS on smartphones!). But the best thing he always tells me is that he knows I'm going to make it. I've always been confident about myself, and I never say "if I make it"...I always say "when I make it". But hearing the encouragement from my Grandpa, my family, and my friends has really helped me through this transition. I've never been afraid to live my dream and be in New York, but I also have never done anything completely on my own.
I'm in the City That Never Sleeps, the city that will make or break you, the Big Apple, The City of Dreams...but I can't enjoy it on no income. I'm not complaining that I wasn't prepared for this or that my idea of New York was a facade...I'm just saying that you really can't guess how something's going to be unless you actually do it. So I don't have a job, so I'm not as settled in as I was hoping to be. So I'm not closer to being able to afford a dog. Nothing worth having comes easy. Rome wasn't built in a day, and my dream won't be either.
xoxo,
Ms. Manhattan
It started out hopeful; I had just finished two weeks of interview after interview with job recruiters, potential companies, and contacts people have given me over the last few weeks. I was feeling good, like I really know what I'm doing and it's going to happen any day now. But as each day of the week ended and I was still unemployed, I started to get more and more empty. Not depressed, not upset, just empty. I'm the kind of person that needs to be busy-- just look at my college career: 12 hour days in the sewing lab, multiple positions in Greek life taking up my nights, and at some points throughout college I had 3 or 4 jobs. I had gotten so good at being busy over the past 4 years, I didn't know what to do with all this free time that unemployment brings.
Sure, I have the Gap, which keeps me busy at nights. But spending all day job hunting, going to work, and then going to bed can be a pretty grueling routine. I'm not dumb--I knew it would take me a while to find a job and get established. But I didn't take into account how I would feel while I job hunted. And that's something most people my age go through, but no one ever really talks about that. In college, if I ever had a day off from everything, I had The Group to hang out with, or TV shows to catch up on. I've watched all the TV shows. The Group isn't in New York. Here, I'm just stuck. Which is a weird thing to feel being in the most wonderful and exciting city in the world.
I've learned that when I'm missing my friends or feeling unproductive not having a job, I need to step back and think of something positive. Talking to my grandpa really helped this week. Even though he has Alzheimer's, he's the funniest man I know. I ask him if he remembers where I am and he still thinks I'm in Carbondale (at least he remembers my college), and when I tell him I'm in New York he always says he hopes I don't get lost (he doesn't know the technology of GPS on smartphones!). But the best thing he always tells me is that he knows I'm going to make it. I've always been confident about myself, and I never say "if I make it"...I always say "when I make it". But hearing the encouragement from my Grandpa, my family, and my friends has really helped me through this transition. I've never been afraid to live my dream and be in New York, but I also have never done anything completely on my own.
I'm in the City That Never Sleeps, the city that will make or break you, the Big Apple, The City of Dreams...but I can't enjoy it on no income. I'm not complaining that I wasn't prepared for this or that my idea of New York was a facade...I'm just saying that you really can't guess how something's going to be unless you actually do it. So I don't have a job, so I'm not as settled in as I was hoping to be. So I'm not closer to being able to afford a dog. Nothing worth having comes easy. Rome wasn't built in a day, and my dream won't be either.
xoxo,
Ms. Manhattan